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Thursday, December 17, 2009; 1:17 PM
so afraid. afraid of losing. afraid of the after trauma. afraid of the grief. is that how You answer my prayers? is tht the christmas gift You want to give me? if tht's wad it, i rather not have any but just healthy family members. just ask for their burdens to be lightened & this is how my prayers are answered? just for this time? is tht how things suppose to be? one at the start of the year & another at the end? both just around major festivals. i haven even got over the first. &.... I really dun want any more of this. im just tht timid to watch the same event happen again. carn we just spend the rest of the year happily & peacefully? carn we just spend the festival happily as a family again? just for now? just for a few more years?
everyone's getting older everyday, every year. & i just carn stop worrying when am i gg to lose them. trying my best to treasure all of them, but failing every time. why?! why must this always happen? she was suppose to very healthy. in fact the healthiest among the rest. but why must everything all start happening at once? isnt it painful enough to see one suffer? why must it be all three suffering at the same time? it just hurt tht much tht i couldnt take it anymore. but who & how can i release the pain?
was surprised tht she asked for me & tht she missed me. feel so useless. visited her ytd, & it just hurt to see how much she is suffering. & got a "morning call" this morning. was still laying restlessly on my bed trying to catch a little more sleep before gg for work at 10am. but was shook up & thot mom thot i was late for work. & just heard the bad news. so tht's how things suppose to work? applied for urgent leave & waiting at home for the latest news. finished the overdue library book & kinda dint noe wad to do next.
next off day suppose to be on sun, but since im off today, i guess i got to work on sun again. Zzzz. sorry angeline. ): unless i can start work at 1? wad abt christmas? wad abt next week? ncwo performance & rehearsal, christmas etc. so much events tht i have no idea how to plan the schedule. & results coming out in a month. omg! everything happening one after another. maybe being a student is still the best. no worries, no trouble. school just plan everything nicely for you & you wouldnt even need to worry abt things & events clashing. take leave or mc easily & can just pass everything easily. just miss those days.Labels: 171209 THURSDAY
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ALEXIA.GERMAINE.LEE 